So this week is From the Heart week on itv. The timing is perfect as i'm off to Harefield next week for transplant assessment. I thought i'd want to be avoiding all the publicity and sticking my head in the sand to try and forget about next week. But it's actually done the opposite watching Kath & Stacie on TV, and watching the tonight special has given me the courage to face next week.
The fact is I will need a transplant at some point to save my life, and ok that might not be for a while yet but it is something I have to face up to if i'm going to come up with the right decision for me.
So the organ donor register is an odd thing, people don't want to think about it, dying is a pretty big thing to think about. I don't want anyone to die so that I can live. But people do die that's the only certain thing in life. I know what it's like to lose someone close, my Dad died when I was 18 and it is an unbearable thing. But if I knew for one minute that he had helped someone else live then what a great thing that would be. Unfortunatly he was riddled with cancer and died at home so donation wasn't an option.
What if I was your daughter, sister, cousin, Mum would you want to save my life? by being an organ donor you could save someone like me.
So what's it like knowing you are likely to need a transplant, to be honest it's hard to tell you. The reason for this is that i've buried my head in the sand, it's just such a big thing to think about. It's almost too big, the thought of waiting for the phone to ring, the thought of the consequences of having a transplant, the thought of the consequences of not having a transplant, they are all too big for my brain. I really don't know how people make the decision to go on the list without going mad. Where do you get your hope from when there are so few donors?
People often say that i'm brave going through what I am, dealing with what I have to deal with, facing up to my situation. But the truth is i'm not brave I just plod along, it's the only thing you can do, anyone in my situation, and many of you readers are, would do exactly the same. You get through each day the best you can, with a smile on your face because you know tomorrow might be a bad day so you make the most of today. If you're having a bad day you smile because maybe tomorrow will be a good day.
Do you know it's 20 years since I left school this year. A reunion is being planned, do I think i'll go, i'm really not sure. My school days weren't the best, it was the couple of years after in college that I hold dear, not that I learnt much in those 2 years but I made some good friends. The thought of meeting up with people I haven't seen for 20 years and answering the inevitable questions, children, work, health etc just isn't filling me with excitment. No I can't have children, no my health is crap, no I haven't climbed the career ladder. I wasn't in the popular group at school, i'm probably the girl in the school photo who no-one apart from friends know who I am!!
I really should write this blog just before I go to sleep as I often think of inspired things to put in it then....... but when I come to write I forget what I want to say.
Tomorrow is valentines day, something me & Mr P have never really bothered with. This year though we are hoping to go to the Cinema to see Moulin Rouge, one of my favs.
Well best go blogsphere, I have Homeland to catch up on. Next blog will probably be a panicked one on Sunday xx stay safe.
